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Crazy Nina
Two
days after Nessa’s death, my friends Delaine and Becky
came all the way from Illinois to visit me. Their horse D’Amigo
is doing well on our Bess’
Choice herbal for the Cushings horse. They wanted to meet
me in person as we had talked only on the phone.
 I
have concluded that in the event of the death of one of my
horses something odd happens to me. Though I know I’m
doing and saying things that might be strange, I can’t
seem to stop myself of “fix my problem.” I know
that sounds vague as I’m not sure exactly what I’m
trying to say.
I
used to think it was as if “who I am” is shattered
like a piece of glass, but that’s not exactly accurate.
It’s more like a drop of mercury. It spatters in all
different directions, but gradually, bit by bit, the drops
are rounded up until it all becomes whole again. The spattered
bits of personality and spirit eventually become the reasonably
sane and sensible being that is me again. I guess it’s
some kind of coping mechanism. We all probably have a form
of it.
Throughout
Nessa’s six weeks of illness I found myself feeling
very calm. Maybe Nessa herself had a bit to do with that.
She just wouldn’t let me worry about her. Or, it could
have been the peace of Jehovah that excels all thought.
Maybe
the loss of her spiritual help made me spatter after her death.
Who knows?
I
just want to apologize to Delaine, Becky, and all others who
had to deal with me at that time. My drop of mercury is me
again.
Nina
P.S.
Delaine and Becky, I hope you still managed to have a good
time. So sorry again. It was just too soon for met to cope
with life as normal, though I did try very hard for you. Postponing
my grief took its toll.
Goodbye
Nessa
On
March 22, 2008 at 9:30pm my Nessa died after a six week long
illness. She was 36 years old. I could write pages and pages
of things about my Nessa, but what it all boils down to is
she was one of the best things that ever happened to me. She
was brave, she was tough, and she took better care of me than
any human ever has. She gave her all without ever taking.
It was an honor to care for her in the last weeks of her life.
That meant I could finally give something back to her.
She
was so sad when she came to us ten years ago. Her beautiful
little face showed it, her spirit, too. When she found herself
in her very own stall with lots of bedding and food that she
didn’t have to fight for, she was very appreciative.
Slowly, little by little, her tentative spirit grew stronger.
A fire came back into her eyes.
For
ten years she carried me, fearlessly, on her bare back because
a saddle hurt her. She led the way. All other horses were
confident in her presence. Her spirit soothed their’s.
Please
keep an open mind here. Nessa gave me the message she was
never going to die. Obviously I misread the message because
she did, in fact, die in this system. But, when we found her
on that last night of her life, she was deeply in REM sleep.
We could not wake her, but we could tell she was galloping
in her dreams! We finally managed to wake her and get her
on her feet, but with great indignation. She would lay back
down and fall asleep again, only to gallop back to that place
in her dreams, a place where she was young again; galloping
alongside the daughter she referred to as “Baby.”
After
getting her on her feet again and out of the barn (we wanted
to avoid the last indignity of dragging her dead body out
of her stall – very hard on all of us), she just wanted
to lay back down to sleep again. It was like the country song
“I was almost there.” In the song a homeless man
is awakened and says, “Why did you wake me: I was just
swimming in Calico Creek, was just sitting under a cottonwood
tree, just got stung by a honey bee, I was almost there.”
I think that’s what Nessa was telling us – “Let
me go, I am almost there.”
For
six weeks I waited for her time. It was now her time. She
was going to die that night with or without our help. The
vet arrived just as she was going down for the last time and
we sent her on her way.
My
precious Nessa.
She
galloped off into the future to the field of grass where her
daughter “Baby” met her sometime after the resurrection.
Six days later at 9:30am as I was watching “Ellen”
on TV I got this profound feeling of peace, love, and gratitude
from somewhere. I recognized Nessa’s message as she
had been sending them to me for the last en years. She was
there. She never died after all. My Nessa.
 Eye
of the Storm on NECN Cable News
The New England Cable News Network interviewed Nina Arbella
of Eye of the Storm for a segment on the high cost of horse
ownership in today's economy.
View
the news segment.
Video Interview with Nina Arbella
 View
a video interview of Nina Arbella discussing horse slaughter.
(Scroll
down on the BostonNOW page to find the video link.)
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we are so desperate for money
to care for our horses. We currently have 15 horses. Ten
are completely unplaceable and will be offered sanctuary for
life. We care for our horses as if they were million dollar
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the best. That is very expensive. We are 100% volunteers,
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